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Ah, the beauty of a day trip pre-children. Relaxed, unhurried, peaceful, topped up periodically with grown-up fizzy drinks and perhaps even a spot of hand holding. It’s an entirely different kettle of fish with small people. The very antithesis of unhurried and peaceful. There’ll be very limited fizz. Probably much hand holding, but reserved for the sweaty, sticky palm of an impish toddler who keeps trying to run off towards the gift shop.

Today, we put a few things together that don’t automatically make for a happy union: driving to London, spending the day in London, high summer in London, a Houdini toddler in London, a new-to-the-weaning-game baby in London, caffeine-enriched parents in London, tourists in London.

Against all the odds, we spent a sterling 4 hours and 59 minutes in that there capital, hitting up the Natural History Museum for most of those. After the toddler had shit her pants at the T-Rex (“I swear on Peppa’s life he’s real and he will come and chase you if you’re naughty. Ever.”), we joined 1,000 other people in the mammal section. Cue obligatory blue whale photo. His beady eye, he watches.


Daddy has Mouse on his shoulders in front of the blue whale exhibit at the Natural History Museum

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